Dealing with Daycare Bullying (Part-1)

Bullying is not natural, not at all healthy, and being a victim does not make a child ’tougher’. When it occurs at the impressionable preschool age, it can have a devastating effect on her confidence and self-esteem, which can last a lifetime. It is in daycare that her character, the persona that the world sees begins to develop; any negative impact can cause deep psychological wounds that may take years to heal.

If your child is a victim of bullying at daycare, your love and support will surely give her the strength to come through the crisis. Here are a few ideas for you to reassure and support your child.

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Talk to the child

Make her feel relaxed: Make the child feel relaxed to talk about the unpleasant experience. If there is reluctance or avoidance of the subject, do not force the issue. Instead, ask simple questions to coax her open up and give you an account of what really happened or is happening.

Be calm and make her stay calm: It is normal for you to feel outraged at what has happened to your child. However, showing emotions to the child can put more pressure on her and aggravate her fear. It is important that you stay calm. If you cannot control your anger, take a-milk-and-cookies break with her – both you and your child will be calmer after that.

Get the complete picture: Children often have difficulty in explaining a situation clearly. Keep summarizing the problem, in simple terms, as you discuss it with her. Keep asking if there is anything, you have left out or summarized incorrectly. It may take a few days, but it is important that you get the complete picture as your child sees it.

Let her not be upset about the problem: Let your child know that feeling upset about and scared of bullying is normal. Use expressions like “I would feel the same in your place”, or “Of course you feel scared/upset.”

It’s not her fault: Children who are bullied often feel that they have brought it on themselves by doing something wrong. Make sure you let your child know that what is happening to her is by no means her fault. Say things like “Maybe Peter is upset because of something at home. It’s not your fault.”

Offer Support

Once you are sure that you know what is going on, the next step is showing your support for your child.

ØTo repeat again, stay calm. The calmer you are, the calmer your child will be and the more she will be able to understand the support you are giving her.

ØExpress your appreciation of your child’s sharing her problems with you.

ØAccept the fact that this is a problem that has to be dealt with, and that you are there to help. Do not say things like “Ignore it – it will stop in time”, and so on.

   

     ØNever be negative in your approach to tell the child that she should be tougher etc. She needs real support, not a pep talk. Equally bad is avoiding the problem by telling the child she can stay at home until she feels better.

      ØEnsure that the child knows you are there to help, and you will see that the bullying stops.

A good daycare is a place of joy, friendship and learning. Using a web-based service to find one that suits your child may help avoid such problems. More will be said in the next post on how you can help a child deal with bullying at daycare.